I Must See AIDS Their Way

7/10/09

“Everyone seems to know what Africa needs, but sometimes I think our minds are not really on it. Most of us see only Africa’s contours, and we use them to map out problems of our own. Africa is a career move, and adventure, an experiment. It fades into an idea.”

I’ve entered a different world. I must follow its rules- its logic- and forget my own. I must see AIDS their way.

How frustrating it is for me when Africans ask, always asking, “Where did it come from?! Did Americans invent it to kill us off?” It’s an ongoing belief here. And my reaction is always the same- a rolling of the eyes and “ah!” But now- I must ask myself- what if my whole life everyone had told me Africans came up with a virus to kill us off. Then one day I meet an African. Im sure it would be the first question I ask.

I’m trying to look at AIDS through the sick- the desperate- the angry eyes of an African. I must see AIDS their way.

Finally a moment- a fee moment- I spend my Saturday at the salon getting braids. Always a 5-8 hour adventure. As I’m sitting there sandwiched between two women- one literally straddling me, my body in between her two legs- thank god she’s wearing pants today. The other hairdresser asks, “Simphiwe, do you smell something?” I know where this is going. “Do you smell….(laughter) fish!?” So comforting to know the vagina fish joke is an international one.

A skinny woman wearing tight white jeans, a sparkly halter top- breasts oozing out- walks into the salon. It’s clear she’s friends with the hairdresser. She Nelly and the hairdressers are gossiping in Siswait for a few hours until a man walks in .The white jeaned woman leaves with him. I suspect, but I don’t ask.

Later that night in our outdoor kitchen we’re discussing HIV again. Nelly tells me about the white jeaned woman. “She’s selling herself and she’s HIV positive.” Im outraged. They explain they all know her status but her clients never do. I exclaim if I had known I would have tried to intervene- warned this man. “Simphiwe no. It does not matter what you say. Swazi’s don’t care. They figure they’re going to get it anyway- so live life the way you want to live it.” I ask, “Will he atleast use a condom?” They laughg. “The candy don’t taste as sweet in the wrapper. Swazis figure they weren’t the first to get HIV and they won’t be the last. They don’t want to die alone.”

I remember a PCT telling me about her aunt who works as a nurse in Africa. She cares for those dying of AIDS. She and her co-workers are taught how to quickly and effectively take the blood from the sick. Many of the dying will try and grab the needle and puncture the nurse. They don’t want to suffer alone.

I am trying to see AIDS their way.

Prostitution is among the desperate everywhere. It’s called the 3 C’s (Car’s, Cash (for school fees) and Cell phones). This is why women are selling themselves. Today Thabeela tells me he was going to see her friend tomorrow. “I want to tell you a secret. My friend just had a baby. She had to drop out of school. The father of the baby is an old man. Maybe over 60. He is married with children of his own. My friend’s mother is dying of AIDS. She has four sibilings and her mother is pregnant with another. My friend needed money for school fees or else she would have to drop out. This man told her he would pay the fees if she would allow him to sleep with her for a while. My friend asked her mother is she should let him. Her mother told her to. She slept with him to pay for school. And now she has another mouth to feed and had to drop out of school. He is gone.” She sees the tears in my eyes that I am trying desperately to hold back- swallowing hard and tapping my foot. “I told you I was stronger than you Simphiwe. You have to be strong. You have to keep going on. No point in being sad- this is how it is. You can’t cry- there’s no time to cry.”

I know throwing out condoms and empowering women will help control this epidemic. But to change the men- can you imagine? I’m aware this idea is somewhat of a romantic, and even a naïve mission that probably won’t work. But I have to try.


Will I be able to endure the struggle?

Im starting to see AIDS their way.