Cauliflower on The Side

LPI Language proficiency is now over. (on a sidenote these keyboards have no shift button- so everything is in lowercase- my apologies english teachers...ahem.. mom)

a series of tests and stations. pc teaches us to be self sufficient- we teach swazis to be self sufficient. after being teased by my gogo about the horrors of our handi gas stoves- her screaming BOOM everytime she sees it- i am now concerned with passing the assemble your own gas stove station. i sneak into the tent- i observe others assembling their stoves- i am soon kicked out of the tent. "simphiwe! no cheating!"I successfully assemble and disassemble the stove as well as the water filter. I move on to the cross cultural test questions on how to respectfully enter someone's ekhaya (home) as a woman. How a woman mourns death- which hand to recieve things with, to hand over things with, and to shake with. This would be the right hand. the left is considered the one you wipe with and the dirty one. jokes on them- i wipe with the right. onto technical questions with simon where all the acroynms we have been learning are now being tested- as well as defining our roles as a pcv. then language- i hate siswati.

LPI over- 33 relieved pct's.

our next lecutures are filled with actual information we can eventually use. statistics, bar charts, graphs, pie charts- hiv explained on power point. why is hiv the highest in swaziland. lesson learned- stay in school. keep these kids busy/distracted/focused. the speaker is swazi- making it hard for us to understand when he is joking (swazis are the worst at telling jokes). at one point during the lecture he says," i guarantee 90% of the swazi men in this room (pointing to our teachers) has had msm (men having sex with men)."swazi teachers laugh shaking their heads no. the speaker moves on to talk about something else. "ahh.. what excuse me... what" I shout." is this not the country that generally not only disapproves of homosexuality but does not even think it exists"."He explains, "I said msm. Boys will have intercourse with younger boys to break them in or prove themselves- sometimes using the theighs. or sometimes using a goat or pig or even a dog." 33 mouths drop- we're exchanging looks of confusion.

it's incredibly frustrating the lack of information specifically pertaining to hiv and sexuality that pc is giving us. culturally and language a plus- but we're thirsty for what we came here to understand. i ask about masterbation. " can i talk about this with my students?" im told the boys will know- even though masterbation is not that common amongst them. the girls wont understand at all. i fantasize- a year from now- creating a young women's masterbation workshop titled - "masterbation: the left hand just got a whole lot dirtier".

later we are lectured on rape and sti's by our pcmo. we are shown videos and written handouts of those women who have been raped while a pcv. pcmo asks the few men in our group to watch out for the female pcv's. "walk them home at night, if they're being harrassed- say they are with you."i think about every kombi ride i have been on. smashed against the window a bad breathed swazi man leaning hard against me- starring at my chest too afraid to look me in the eyes. "blah blah blah tsandza blah blah blah..."tsandza means love- i gather- i only recognize verbs right now- he's professing his love for me or asking my hand in marriage. "anigva."i say (i dont understand you). he explains in english now, "hello. i love youiwanttomarryyouyoupleasebemineyouarebeautiful"in about one breathe.

in class we are shown rape kits. or what i like to call- "raped twice" kits. cause if you didn't feel violated enough the first time- here's your second chance to. we're warned by current pcv's- "you are fresh meat. south african soccer/rugby players frequent backpackers here. you'll get lonely- really really lonely... you'll meet a white person. and just remember- they've 'met' a lot.. a lot of people already."

transition into sti lecture. full of gooey pictures and disturbing descriptors. i lean over to a pct- "god i hope they don't serve us cauliflower for lunch today."

a condom relay follows. 2 enormous black dildoes and about a hundred condoms. how comforting to know dildoes on the united states governemnts tab- pc swaziland- thank you.

during all the commotion.. condoms flying...i hear a few people discussing their blogs. then someone shouts, "yeah- who is this poet from seattle?!"i feel my cheeks turn bright red. "Meredith our parents are following your blog they love it.""Yeah my daughter has been following it.""My mother follows it- you must LOVE dogs."i didn't post my blog on the pc website- i wonder how people are finding this if they don't know me already.

if anyone's parents, friends, or children of the pct's in season 7 are reading this- know that every one of these people alongside me is absolutly an inspiration to me. it's an overwhlemingly wonderful feeling to be assured everyday that there are good people out there. to end up at the same point as them at different times in our lives- i know i must have done something right along the way. i hope you are proud of them.

condoms are successfully put on the tax payer's dollar's dildoes. it's lunch time.

for lunch- steaming hot chicken, rice, salad... and cauliflower on the side.