Prologue

11/11/2010

There is a certain rhythm to speech that doesn't quite sit comfortably onto the page. The written word can often suck out the grace and the sincerity that the spoken word has to offer. I can only hope, for now, my text will suffice.

This is my attempt at an apology. I write not only as an apologist but also a devotee. Devoted to sharing my open mind. Forever learning. Forever growing. As a peace corps volunteer I have a duty- no an ethical responsibility- to paint a certain picture of my experiences here. It's only once I've left am I able to point out the failings of specific NGO's, organizations, most importantly Peace Corps- and suggest possible alternatives.

There is a tendency for beucracy to think, while employed, that criticism should be contained and censorship applauded. I find this to be incredibly challenging.

I wish to reflect on what I see while I am around those that may disagree or take offense. Hoping for a conversation, a debate, or even an argument. I have always been fully aware that individuals, agencies, even my own- may be rubbed the wrong way and even seek retribution.

But it seems to me- a true loyalist is one who is honest with those whom they are loyal to. So how do I speak candour with heart? Honesty without judgement? Observation without analysis? In this, I've failed.

I run risk in writing about the what, the who, and the why. Some of the things i'm writing people will disagree with. The NGO's, the the people, Peace Corps- hell even fellow volunteers- will read my writing and say, "You've said what I've been trying to say this whole time." Or sometimes they roll their eyes and think, "She just doesn't get it. I haven't experienced anything like that."

And then there are those you thought would never read your words. The individual- taking offense. With good reason. Talking about NGOs/Politics is one thing. But the individual. I've thought a lot about what I write about the individual and because I value the people I've been privledged to meet, I am seeing the value in censorship.

Which brings me to the beginning. An apology. There are certain facts and details- entire posts I have gone back and ommitted. Ethically- I owe it to the people I write about and who have trusted and confided in me.

I'm still a child in this world and I will continue to try my best and stay humble to that.

As my Proud African once said, "Vula Emehlo Simphiwe."

Onkhe emalanga ngizama kuvula emehlo ami.